Honoring One Another – October 20, 2019
Isaiah 25:1-8, Romans 12:9-21
October 20, 2019
I love this phrase, “Outdo one another in showing honor.” Think about it. “Outdo one another in showing honor.” Think about how it would be if people lived by those words. And notice, this is not just, “Honor one another.” Or the similar, and very important word, “respect.” This is “Outdo one another in showing honor!” (or “respect!”) That’s what I want you to think about today. And this is part of what your Stewardship Committee has called “Stewardship of each other.”
This is also one of those things in the Christian life that is “counterintuitive.” That is, it goes against the natural “intuition” or “common-sense expectation” of something. In other words, it goes against our “human nature,” or our “natural human inclinations.”
Another example of this is forgiveness. We talked about that a few weeks ago. The natural reaction, the natural “inclination” to any kind of hurt in our life is to return it. If we are hurt, we “feel like” hurting back. That’s the natural reaction. And we live in a world where people live by their natural reactions. They live more and more by their feelings alone. Forgiveness is counterintuitive to that. Forgiveness is something we must choose, even though we might not “feel like it.”
Well this is another one. The natural tendency is for us to show honor or respect in proportion to what is given us. If we are given honor or respect, we return it. If someone’s respect for us diminishes, we “feel” like, “well, I’m not going to respect that person very much, either!” And what happens then? That person thinks, “Well, I’m getting less respect, so I won’t bother giving a lot of respect, either.” Then do you see the downward progression?
I remember in school learning about the term “negative feedback loop.” Have you ever heard that? I’m not sure if it was in science class or some other class. But it doesn’t matter, because it can happen in many ways. Something happens, and the reaction to it – the feedback – is negative, and that causes a further reaction, and the reaction to that is negative, and so on. You work too hard, and your productivity starts to drop, so you work even harder, and your productivity drops even more, and so on.
That’s what I just described about respect. You feel like someone’s respect for you has dropped, so your natural tendency – your feeling – is you respect them less. They feel that diminished respect and so they respect you even less. That’s a Negative feedback loop! Do you get that?
The world is full of that kind of thing! I find myself dreading the coming election year. The negative feedback loop we’ve been in politically has produced a world where there is no respect for anyone who disagrees. (And I can just feel the negativity in the air – like a dark cloud!)
I remember a conversation I had a few years ago. The person was trying to draw me into a political debate – which to me is like quicksand! And I remember saying, “I’m sorry, but I don’t do politics.” When she asked me why, I said, “Because I’m so frustrated that people have no ability any more to respect those who disagree with them. And it has made us all so polarized!” And I remember the other person saying nothing at the time, but then coming back to me later and saying this. “You know, you’re right. People need to learn that respect is something that needs to be earned.” And I said, “That’s where I disagree the most. Respect is something that needs to be chosen! Or we will never get out of the polarization we’re in!” Somebody has to start being positive! (It’s like the old song, “Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me.”)
I believe that response comes from the Christian perspective. We are called by Jesus to do things and make choices that are contrary to how the world thinks and reacts, and how we “feel.” We are called to forgive even when “we don’t feel like it.” We are called to show respect, even when “we don’t feel like it.” And if people will do that, then that’s the world I want to live in!
That’s why I like this little phrase today. “Outdo one another in showing respect.” Instead of a negative feedback loop, where falling respect begets falling respect, Paul is suggesting the opposite. He’s suggesting a “positive feedback loop!” “Show more respect than you’re receiving!” If people do that, if people choose to do that, it creates more respect, rather than less. It creates growing respect rather than shrinking. It makes for a positive, uplifting world!
But this is not easy! We get mired in our feelings, in our grudges, and in our negative view of others. I was talking to an old friend the other day, and she was bemoaning the fact that she didn’t talk to a certain person anymore. And I happened to know the situation, so I asked, “Oh, is that because of such and such that happened?” And she said, “No, that’s not why I don’t talk to her. That’s why I hate her. This other thing is why I don’t talk to her.” And I found it strangely refreshing to hear how specific the negativity toward this other person had become! “I hate her because of this. I don’t talk to her because of that.”
As I said, choosing otherwise is not easy! Those feelings are strong! And please know that I’m not one who has not been hurt! You can’t say, “You don’t know, because you’ve never really been hurt!” Let me tell you, I have! And I know those feelings of vengeance that rise up from within! I have known times when it was hard for me not to return “evil for evil,” as Paul describes it. I’ve had times when it was hard to choose to respect even though respect for me was lacking. And I’m also not going to stand here and say that I’ve always been good at it. In fact, years ago, I found myself in a “negative feedback loop” of respect. And looking back, I remember that I didn’t know what to do about it! I wish I had discovered the meaning of this little verse back then! “Outdo one another in showing honor.” I wish I had known way back then that it was choosing to do those hard things that made all the difference!
That’s why now I almost always refer to this scripture when I’m talking to couples about marriage. Because I know what it’s like not to know it! And because they need to know that scripture has some good things to say about relationships! And this is one of them! I tell them that I wake up at night in a cold sweat, thinking that most of what people in this world know about marriage and relationships comes from TV, movies, and talk shows.
People on those things have totally “worldly” ideas about relationships. (This is part of the “worldliness” I was talking about last week.) They think we should live solely by our feelings. They don’t talk about doing the hard work of forgiving and choosing respect. Too often, they think that, if the feelings fade, the relationship must be over. And the scary thing to me is, you give somebody a microphone and a camera, and they become “experts.”
As God’s people we are called to be different. As God’s people, we are called to live “godly lives,” lives that stand in opposition to the “worldliness” around us. We need to do the things that may seem counterintuitive what the world thinks. We must give thought to such things. We must choose such things. We must be reminded of such things all the time. That’s why I talk about it a lot! We must uphold one another as we strive to follow Jesus, to love and forgive as he did. And we must seek to follow Paul who was all about upbuilding and encouraging and edifying.
So, with all that in mind, let me close with these first few verses we read today. And I encourage you to think about these words, especially those words about “outdoing one another in showing honor.” (Maybe memorize this! We don’t talk about memorizing scripture anymore. This would be a good one to start with!)
“Let love be genuine. Hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Never flag in zeal, be aglow with the Spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints, practice hospitality.”
Prayer
Eternal God, we thank you for the amazing Grace you have given us, and for the example of that Grace in Jesus, our Lord. Help us to love as he loved, to forgive as he forgave, and to honor all people. Help us to be people of Grace, joyful to live in your kingdom here on earth. For we pray in Jesus’ name, and for the sake of his kingdom, Amen.